There was a time when there was just one. One who stole my heart. One I spent every moment of every day and night with. One child. I was always holding him, rocking him, laying down with him, nursing him, bathing him, "slinging" him, changing him, kissing him, reading to him, singing to him, or dancing with him. He was my day and night. He was our baby, the one and only. So special. What an amazing, smart little guy.
I remember nursing him when I was pregnant with Ana until my belly filled my lap and it was pretty awkward to hold him sometimes. Then it would bring on the contractions, OUCH. The night Ana was born, Isaiah got right in the pool with us. He loved her instantly. I nursed them together right there in the pool, the expert and the rookie. He was still sleeping in our bed when Ana came along. I put a mattress next to the bed a couple months earlier so he could get used to his own bed. He did a really good job because I was right there and he knew he could count on me if he needed me for any reason at all. He often climbed up to our bed or I went down to his.
|Isaiah holding me through my labor with Elijah|
A couple more years past and I was having our third child, Elijah. Isaiah wanted to help me so much, and held me through each contraction. His little pajama shirt was getting wet from my arms. He held me tight. He was such a great big brother to Ana already and was so happy to now have a little brother.
When Eli was 4 months old, we found out that he had hemophilia. We were so scared. I didn't know anything about hemophilia. Isaiah was scared too. It became apparent that he was having some anxiety about keeping his baby brother safe. He was worried that he or someone else would do something that would hurt him and make him bleed. Isaiah was only 4 years old. That is a heavy burden for such a little guy. Of course, we talked a lot about it, but nothing could really take it completely away. The fact remained. His baby brother had hemophilia.
|Isaiah and Elijah at NHF Denver 2008|
The next year was the hardest for our family: My husband lost his job. Eli had his port surgery. I found out I was expecting #4. We moved from the West coast to the East coast. In my third trimester, I had to make quick decisions for a birth plan that now included possible hemophilia in the mix. Ultimately, we decided on a hospital birth with a midwife, but fought for a waterbirth. A few weeks later, our fourth child, Malakai was born making history as the first waterbaby at Women's and Children's Hospital of Buffalo. He did not have hemophilia after all. We brought him home the next day. Isaiah, Ana, and Elijah were absolutely thrilled with their new baby brother.
A year later, I was expecting again, and we were moving again. My husband was going back to school to get an RN, and eventually go into hematology to help other families with hemophilia. So, we moved to the midwest and had an awesome homebirth for our fifth child, Silas. Cord blood testing showed that he did have hemophilia. When I told Isaiah, you know what he said? His eyes lit up and he ran out to tell Eli that he had a hemophilia buddy now. That boy is just amazing and full of love.
|My dad, Isaiah, Me|