Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Written 5 days before my baby was born at 42 weeks

I can't believe I haven't written since April!  So much has been on my heart, but I couldn't write about it.  What is on my heart now, I must write about because as soon as I have this baby, I will certainly forget most of it.

 I am 41 weeks and almost 2 days along with baby #6.  I am healthy.  She is healthy.  We've already named her Evangeline.  My mom is here.  My Grandma ("Grama") is here.  One of my best friends is in town, and is able to come support me for this birth.  I have a loving supportive husband.  Our older 5 children are so precious and are very eager to welcome their newest sister.  I have a great church, midwife, and my closest friend at the church is my midwife's assistant.  I have so much to be happy about.  So, why do I feel like this?

Today, I recognized it.  This feels like postpartum depression before I'm postpartum.
The weekend before Evangeline's birth, my friend
gave me this beautiful daffodil henna.

Our last 2 babies were born 2 days before their due dates.  That and the fact that this is my 6th birth made me assume this baby would be born right around or before her due date.  I won't make that mistake again!  My EDD (estimated due date) was August 13th.  Since I found out that I was pregnant, I wanted so badly to have her on my little brother's birthday (August 5th).  That day came and went.  I was disappointed.  Then, my older brother reminded me that my nephew's birthday was on the 10th.  Oh this is it!!!  I can give him a special little birthday buddy! . . . No.  That day came and went.  I was so disappointed.  Well, one of my best friends' birthday was just 5 days later on the 15th.  No birth. . . Ugh!  The biggest stress on me was that my husband was going back to nursing school on the 19th.  I just had to have her by then!  But, no.  I sent him off to class. . . still pregnant.  Everyday seems to last a week.  I get contractions.  Then, they stop.  I walk 2 or 3 times a day.  Nothing.  What is wrong with me?!  I know my body successfully got 5 babies out before.  So, surely this one will come out eventually?!

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