In my last post called Jealousy, one of my friends used the phrase "badge of honor" in her comment.
"It's [hemophilia is] kinda a "badge of honor" in your family. It's seen as something that makes Eli & Silas unique & special. They get more/different attention than the others."
I am so grateful that my friend was so honest with me. This phrase will not get out of my head! It kind of haunts me, but also probes a lot of good thought.
I hate that I have given that impression to others, but especially that I may be giving that impression to my precious children. Having hemophilia is not a badge of honor in our family. However, if it is perceived as such to any of our children, there's a problem.
Hemophilia is a big part of our lives. We have chosen to make it a big part of our lives. Matt quit his teaching career to go to nursing school because he wants to work directly with other children with bleeding disorders. I've started Bubble Wrapped Birth, and have big plans for it's growth in the future. Because of these things, it would be easy for our children to think that hemophilia makes someone more special to us. This is a problem.
Some other moms suggested that I let the other children be involved with prophy. What a simple idea that makes a big difference! We tried it this morning, and it was great! Since hemophilia is a big part of our lives, we need to let everyone have a hand in it. I did not see one ounce of jealousy or negative feelings at all this morning because prophy wasn't just about Eli. It was also a special time for Isaiah and me. I am getting it. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting it!
Now, back to the "badge of honor" idea. . .
Our children all have a badge of honor just because they are our children. They don't have to have a unique physical condition or talent or place in history or birth order to be special. They are special just because they are exactly who God made them. What I am learning from this conversation is that I need to be careful to communicate that everyday in my words and actions because that is what really matters. My children will not remember "what mommy meant", but rather "what mommy said or did and how it made me feel".
"It's [hemophilia is] kinda a "badge of honor" in your family. It's seen as something that makes Eli & Silas unique & special. They get more/different attention than the others."
I am so grateful that my friend was so honest with me. This phrase will not get out of my head! It kind of haunts me, but also probes a lot of good thought.
I hate that I have given that impression to others, but especially that I may be giving that impression to my precious children. Having hemophilia is not a badge of honor in our family. However, if it is perceived as such to any of our children, there's a problem. Hemophilia is a big part of our lives. We have chosen to make it a big part of our lives. Matt quit his teaching career to go to nursing school because he wants to work directly with other children with bleeding disorders. I've started Bubble Wrapped Birth, and have big plans for it's growth in the future. Because of these things, it would be easy for our children to think that hemophilia makes someone more special to us. This is a problem.
Some other moms suggested that I let the other children be involved with prophy. What a simple idea that makes a big difference! We tried it this morning, and it was great! Since hemophilia is a big part of our lives, we need to let everyone have a hand in it. I did not see one ounce of jealousy or negative feelings at all this morning because prophy wasn't just about Eli. It was also a special time for Isaiah and me. I am getting it. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting it!
Now, back to the "badge of honor" idea. . .
Our children all have a badge of honor just because they are our children. They don't have to have a unique physical condition or talent or place in history or birth order to be special. They are special just because they are exactly who God made them. What I am learning from this conversation is that I need to be careful to communicate that everyday in my words and actions because that is what really matters. My children will not remember "what mommy meant", but rather "what mommy said or did and how it made me feel".
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me, and being a part of my growth as a mom!
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for understanding my heart & for taking my comment in the spirit in which it was meant. (((Hugs))) to you, Girlie. Please know that it was not my intention to hurt you in any way or even to reprimand you, but really, to encourage you. I think you're doing a fabulous job as a mom. I love how conscientious you are in your parenting. So many parents just seem to coast along & to parent REactively instead of parenting actively. They REact to everything that comes into their lives instead of making conscious decisions(sometimes before the issue even arises) to do what they feel is best for their families, even if that decision bucks societal parenting norms. I appreciate that you ACTIVELY parent. THAT is what makes you a wonderful mother. :-) - Maria
Thank you so much. That is so sweet of you! Maria, you are an "iron sharpens iron" friend for me. Thanks again. :o)
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