When I first saw that second pink line appear, I knew I was having a girl. Of course I was having a girl! I was so emotional, and we already had 3 boys and 1 girl. Also, planning a birth for a girl is much less stressful for us than planning a birth for a boy, and I just knew that this time, we'd get a break. This summer, we are moving, Matt will be going back to school in the Fall to pursue a nursing degree, and work full time on top of that. It is very exciting, but also pretty stressful. I was thinking that at least the birth planning would be a breeze. We are hoping to move to MI where we already have a great midwife. A girl would mean planning a simple homebirth with a midwife I already know and love. Even though I said, "Oh, yeah, we could be having another boy!", I didn't really believe it. I knew I was having a girl. Then, it was time for our ultrasound. . .
The technician was so friendly and happy with us about our expecting our 5th. She couldn't see anything revealing for what seemed like so long! She was busy measuring all kinds of things, and then. . .
"Well, you've seen that before!" she said.
It was NOT the cord! We saw very clearly that we were having another boy! Matt and I just laughed. 4 boys and 1 girl?! Wow!! I was already very much in love with this tiny little guy, and now I knew that he was a HE. We even knew his name: Silas Martin Reeves.
Even though we were very happy, we were in shock. A boy meant a lot more work. Yes, he could have severe hemophilia, but that wasn't what was weighing so heavily on me. I was counting on having a break this time with birth planning, and having a simple homebirth. With all the things we are dealing with right now, this was not going to be one of them. . . BUT now I knew it was.
2 days later, our family was hit by a horrible stomach virus. Eli was first. He had a fever, and since he has a port, that meant 48 hours in the hospital. It hit us all, and it was bad. It lasted 5 days for each person, and it took 2 weeks total for us all to be well.
After we were well, I started thinking about Silas's birth, and things started hitting me. Once again, I don't know where we are going to be for this baby's birth, and now, I have to plan for a severe bleeding disorder! I still am not convinced that there is any danger for a severe hemophiliac with a gentle vaginal delivery unless drugs or interventions are involved (with the exception of breech, placenta previa, etc). My main concern for planning a birth for a boy has always been getting his cord blood tested. If we didn't get his cord blood tested, we would have to take him in for a blood draw which is traumatic for a baby.
Our 4th, Malakai, was our first hospital birth. His birth was awesome, but there were some things we didn't like especially afterwards: the lack of rest, all the strangers (drs and nurses) coming in to touch the baby, the fact that the hospital pretty much owns the baby until they discharge you both, the ridiculous hearing test, the required vitamin K (although they did allow us to use oral instead of a shot), having to be separated for a few minutes from the baby so they could help him start breathing at birth (ended up being meconium, and they did a great job; but at home, we would've been set up right at the pool), our children couldn't be there at all due to a flu epidemic at the time (not to mention the fact that there was a flu epidemic at the time, and we were there with our newborn!), and the heel prick. Malakai didn't have hemophilia, and we had an amazing hospital experience to say the least. All the issues I just listed are nothing compared to what I've heard other people complain about, but still. . . I am a homebirther at heart.
I do not think that homebirth is the right choice in every situation, and maybe it's not the right choice for Silas. I don't know yet, but I can't plan his birth until I know where we are going to be. Matt has applied for so many jobs in MI, but has no leads. He has started applying here in NY as well in case there is nothing in MI. Soon, he will probably expand his search to other states as well. We really can't afford to be picky right now! Our income will end in just a month or two. I decided that right now, I will just focus on keeping myself and Silas healthy, and when I know where we will be, I will start planning his birth. Before then, it's just too overwhelming for me.
Even with all the birth planning stress and the possibility of more hemophilia in our family, I am SO excited about our new little guy! Silas is a sweetie. I am 21 1/2 weeks along now. I feel him moving around more and more everyday. My heart is full of love for him! I know that everything will all work out, and when he is safely in my arms, I will look back on these days and smile. God has always taken care of us. We have been in more stressful situations that this, and everything is going to be ok.
Thank you for your patience right now, and all your love, support, and prayers.