A Letter to My Uncle Patrick

70 years ago now, my sweet grandma carried a precious baby boy in her womb.  He was her first baby.  Grandma and Grandpa had been married for a couple years, and I can just imagine the dreamy excitement they shared about their first child.

Then, on St. Patrick's Day, Grandma went into premature labor.  I believe she was in her 2nd trimester.  They called the doctor, but things happened too quickly, and there was nothing they could do to save him.

He passed away before his birth.  Grandma saw that he was a boy.  Things were so different back then.  They never named him, and Grandma was never able to properly grieve.  Because he was born on St Patrick's Day, my mom started referring to him as Patrick.  If I could send a message to my dear Uncle Patrick in heaven, this is what I would say:

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Uncle Patrick, 

You may or may not know who I am, but I know you.  You had a very short life, but your world was my grandma.  That's a pretty sweet world.  All you knew in life was the warmth and love of your mother's womb.  Then, you suddenly went from her womb to the warm loving arms of Jesus.  You stayed in her heart, though.  Your life has been celebrated for all these years.  Since your birth, Grandma gave birth to one more boy and four girls.  You are also uncle to 13 nieces and nephews, and I am carrying your 37th great niece/nephew!  She's a girl.  We're naming her Evangeline Emma.

Our first baby didn't make it to our arms either.  I don't know if I was carrying a girl or a boy, but I felt like it was a girl, and we named her Faith.  I immediately felt an even stronger bond with both my grandmothers when I was going through that.  They had both lost babies.  They gave me comfort and strength during that dark time.  Have you met Faith?  I think about what she's doing up in heaven often.  I bet you're a really fun uncle to her.

We all miss you.  You are so loved.  I am so glad God blessed this family with you.


Your loving niece,

Sarah

_____________________________________________________________

~ Here's some pictures of Grandma when she was a young mom of a bunch of little ones. ~

I love her style in this one.  She's the cutie on the left.  

To My Husband with Much Love

Thank you, Honey. 

Thank you for being my best friend.  Thank you for your love and support through everything these last 9+ years. 

When we first found out about Faith, and then couldn't keep her, you held me together through all of that.  The worry, the confirmation that our tiny baby was no longer living, the pain, the hospital, the incredible grief. . .  We came through that together with God as our strength.

Thank you for 7 1/2 years of successful breastfeeding.  I couldn't have done it without you.  When Isaiah was born, and had trouble latching on, you never suggested I give up and just give him a bottle.  Those first nights of pumping colostrum and spoon feeding him every 2 hours were so hard, but you were so strong right with me.  You even rocked him between feedings so I could sleep.  A few days later when the roof of his mouth smoothed out and he nursed with no problem at all, it was a victory for all three of us.  We all worked very hard for that.  Also, you've always been very supportive through all the (often difficult) tandem nursing months and years with each of our 4 children. 

You love me through all my hormonal mood swings.  You always look at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world no matter if I'm a size 4 or I'm 8 months pregnant and no longer fitting into my maternity clothes because I've gained 50 or 60 lbs!  You are an excellent birth assistant.  If you are with me, I know everything will be ok.  Our births have been so amazing mostly because of you.  I could never have been so relaxed and at ease if you had not set that tone for me. 

You are such a great daddy.  I am so thankful our children have you.  No matter how busy you are, you make time for them.  You are a patient teacher and love them with the love of Jesus.  I love seeing you wear each of our babies in the sling or baby wrap.  You have become just as much of a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, gentle birthing advocate as I am, and sometimes even more than I am!   

I am so proud of you.  When Eli was diagnosed with severe hemophilia, a seed was planted in your heart, and now you are working very hard to earn your nursing degree so that you can help other children and families with bleeding disorders. 

I love how you love being a daddy.  You are even more baby crazy than I am!!  It doesn't even matter to you if we have more children with hemophilia.  On the possibility of having multiple little hemophiliacs, you just say, "Line 'em up!" (for infusions).  You just smile on the idea of caring for each child with their own unique needs. 

 As we anticipate the arrival of our fifth child any day now, I wanted you to have the spot light.  You are the greatest husband and daddy I've ever known.  I love you.  Thank you so much for everything. 

Love,                    

Me                  

Our Third Birth - Elijah

We were in California at this time. My mom and grandma had flown all the way from MI to be with us for this birth! So, they were there.  Isaiah was almost 4 years old.  Ana was almost 2 years old.  I knew I was in labor around 1:00am.  I laid on my side in the bed for a short time.  I got up, walked around.  While Matt was filling up the birth pool, I asked for a chair in the room.  I got on my knees, and leaned on the seat of the chair with my arms bent.  I moaned softly through the contractions.  It was getting stronger.  I really wanted to get in the pool.  When it was finally filled, I got in.  Aaaaaaah. . . . so nice. . . Isaiah was getting concerned, and was hanging around me a lot.  He needed a job.  So, I asked him if he could give me a hug through my contractions.  He was happy to do it.  So, when I felt a contraction coming, I said to Isaiah, "Ok, come here"  He reached his arms as far around me as he could.  He was outside the pool, in front of me.  It was so sweet.  He really did help me.  I had prepped him and Ana about the funny sounds I would make during birth.  So, it didn't scare him.  We had practiced and laughed about it for weeks!  When my midwife got there, I was almost to transition.  She asked me, "Sarah, do you feel the urge to push?"  I said, "When I feel the urge to push, you'll know because I'LL BE PUSHING!!!!"  I was so nice.  ;o)  Soon after that, it got a lot harder.  I threw up (in a trash bin outside the pool).  The contractions were so intense.  I tried a little push with one contraction.  No, it wasn't time yet, but I could tell that this was going to be harder than Ana's birth.  I thought, "I CAN'T DO THIS".  At this time, God impressed on my heart not to speak and claim those words of defeat, but instead to call out to Him.  It was between contractions.  Everyone was totally quiet.  I was facing the wall and couldn't see anyone in front of me.  It was just God and me and my baby.  I prayed out loud, "Father, thank You for giving us this baby.  Thank you that he's coming today.  'I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.' Thank You, Lord.  You bring this baby out.  This is all You.  Come on, let's go!"   After that I was on top of my pain (because my Jesus was carrying me).  It was time to push.  How did I know that?  I felt like pushing, remember?!  Oh boy.  Wow.  This was another big one.  I could tell!!  I pushed like I have never pushed before or since.  After his head came out, my body needed rest.  I had a couple minutes before the next contraction.  I P-U-S-H-E-D!!!!!  I had to push this one.  I started with my hand on his head, but then put it down to brace myself.  THen his body popped out, and I said, "There's my boy!!" (I did not know what we where having before this!) I reached back to bring him up, and Matt and the midwife said, "One more push!" He wasn't even out yet, but by the time he was out to his waist, it was such a relief, I thought I was done!  So a little push, and he was out and in my arms!  That big bubba was 10lbs 14oz!!  No wonder I had to work so hard!!  Elijah was born to his Daddy's hands at 5:30am on December 23rd, 2007, exactly 5 years to the day that we moarned our precious Faith!!  God was so good to us.  I was so close to God during Elijah's birth.  It was completely amazing.  By the way, all that pushing took place within about 7 minutes.  I had no tearing either.  4 months later we learned that he had severe hemophilia A.  He had no bruising at birth.  That was the beginning of Elijah Jesse Reeves!

Our First Pregnancy - Faith

We were married in June of 2002, and that Thanksgiving, my sister and I both found out that we were expecting. We were due just two days apart. I loved that little one, talked to her, rubbed my belly. Then, just a few weeks later, on December 23rd, 2002, she (I felt she was a girl) was gone. It was so painful.  It was much worse than a live birth.  I was delivering death.  It hurt so badly, and I was so sad.  Because of all the pain I was having, I went to the ER.  They were so kind to us.  It was Christmas day, our first Christmas since our marriage, and I was in getting a D & C.  I do not regret that.  When the pain was gone, I could deal with my grief a lot better.  I was only 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, but that was a very hard loss. We named her Faith because we felt that was what God wanted to teach us through it all. We were surrounded with love and support during that time. We had a private ceremony, and buried her in a heart shaped box on my parent's property. It is now a precious memory, and a joy to know that she has a life greater than I could ever provide her. I am very happy for my little Faith, and I will meet her someday! Just a few months later, we were expecting again. My sister was still pregnant. ♥ We met with our midwife for the first time on July 29th. It was Faith's due date!! On a day that could've been very sad for us, we heard Isaiah's heartbeat for the first time. There are no words to describe what that meant to me!