Isaiah, #1

Isaiah

There was a time when there was just one.  One who stole my heart.  One I spent every moment of every day and night with.  One child.  I was always holding him, rocking him, laying down with him, nursing him, bathing him, "slinging" him, changing him, kissing him, reading to him, singing to him, or dancing with him.  He was my day and night.  He was our baby, the one and only.  So special.  What an amazing, smart little guy.

I remember nursing him when I was pregnant with Ana until my belly filled my lap and it was pretty awkward to hold him sometimes.  Then it would bring on the contractions, OUCH.  The night Ana was born, Isaiah got right in the pool with us.  He loved her instantly.  I nursed them together right there in the pool, the expert and the rookie.  He was still sleeping in our bed when Ana came along.  I put a mattress next to the bed a couple months earlier so he could get used to his own bed.  He did a really good job because I was right there and he knew he could count on me if he needed me for any reason at all.  He often climbed up to our bed or I went down to his.

Isaiah holding me through my labor with Elijah

A couple more years past and I was having our third child, Elijah.  Isaiah wanted to help me so much, and held me through each contraction.  His little pajama shirt was getting wet from my arms.  He held me tight.  He was such a great big brother to Ana already and was so happy to now have a little brother.

When Eli was 4 months old, we found out that he had hemophilia.  We were so scared.  I didn't know anything about hemophilia.  Isaiah was scared too.  It became apparent that he was having some anxiety about keeping his baby brother safe.  He was worried that he or someone else would do something that would hurt him and make him bleed.  Isaiah was only 4 years old.  That is a heavy burden for such a little guy.  Of course, we talked a lot about it, but nothing could really take it completely away.  The fact remained.  His baby brother had hemophilia.

Isaiah and Elijah at NHF Denver 2008

The next year was the hardest for our family:  My husband lost his job. Eli had his port surgery.  I found out I was expecting #4.  We moved from the West coast to the East coast.  In my third trimester, I had to make quick decisions for a birth plan that now included possible hemophilia in the mix.  Ultimately, we decided on a hospital birth with a midwife, but fought for a waterbirth.  A few weeks later, our fourth child, Malakai was born making history as the first waterbaby at Women's and Children's Hospital of Buffalo.  He did not have hemophilia after all.  We brought him home the next day.  Isaiah, Ana, and Elijah were absolutely thrilled with their new baby brother.

A year later, I was expecting again, and we were moving again.  My husband was going back to school to get an RN, and eventually go into hematology to help other families with hemophilia.  So, we moved to the midwest and had an awesome homebirth for our fifth child, Silas.  Cord blood testing showed that he did have hemophilia.  When I told Isaiah, you know what he said?  His eyes lit up and he ran out to tell Eli that he had a hemophilia buddy now.  That boy is just amazing and full of love.

My dad, Isaiah, Me
Eli, Ana
Malakai, Silas

He is 8 now, and older brother to 4 little ones.  He is a cub scout, brilliant mathematician, avid reader, scooter and bike rider, gardener, my righthand man, video game champion, and he loves to take care of people.  Sometimes, his "older kid" needs are set aside because the baby's or another little one's needs are more pressing at the time.  I want that to be different.  Not only is Isaiah loved and important just because he is our son, he has given so much to his family.  He has dealt with a lot in 8 years.  I love him so much, and I appreciate him.   Tonight, after the younger 4 were in bed, I hung out with Isaiah on his bed.  We read his Sonic the Hedgehog comic book together.  It was so nice to have that special fun time with just him.  We need more moments like that.  And I really need to learn to catch properly with a glove because the last time Isaiah was trying to teach me. . . I totally stunk.  ;o)

To My Husband with Much Love

Thank you, Honey. 

Thank you for being my best friend.  Thank you for your love and support through everything these last 9+ years. 

When we first found out about Faith, and then couldn't keep her, you held me together through all of that.  The worry, the confirmation that our tiny baby was no longer living, the pain, the hospital, the incredible grief. . .  We came through that together with God as our strength.

Thank you for 7 1/2 years of successful breastfeeding.  I couldn't have done it without you.  When Isaiah was born, and had trouble latching on, you never suggested I give up and just give him a bottle.  Those first nights of pumping colostrum and spoon feeding him every 2 hours were so hard, but you were so strong right with me.  You even rocked him between feedings so I could sleep.  A few days later when the roof of his mouth smoothed out and he nursed with no problem at all, it was a victory for all three of us.  We all worked very hard for that.  Also, you've always been very supportive through all the (often difficult) tandem nursing months and years with each of our 4 children. 

You love me through all my hormonal mood swings.  You always look at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world no matter if I'm a size 4 or I'm 8 months pregnant and no longer fitting into my maternity clothes because I've gained 50 or 60 lbs!  You are an excellent birth assistant.  If you are with me, I know everything will be ok.  Our births have been so amazing mostly because of you.  I could never have been so relaxed and at ease if you had not set that tone for me. 

You are such a great daddy.  I am so thankful our children have you.  No matter how busy you are, you make time for them.  You are a patient teacher and love them with the love of Jesus.  I love seeing you wear each of our babies in the sling or baby wrap.  You have become just as much of a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, gentle birthing advocate as I am, and sometimes even more than I am!   

I am so proud of you.  When Eli was diagnosed with severe hemophilia, a seed was planted in your heart, and now you are working very hard to earn your nursing degree so that you can help other children and families with bleeding disorders. 

I love how you love being a daddy.  You are even more baby crazy than I am!!  It doesn't even matter to you if we have more children with hemophilia.  On the possibility of having multiple little hemophiliacs, you just say, "Line 'em up!" (for infusions).  You just smile on the idea of caring for each child with their own unique needs. 

 As we anticipate the arrival of our fifth child any day now, I wanted you to have the spot light.  You are the greatest husband and daddy I've ever known.  I love you.  Thank you so much for everything. 

Love,                    

Me                  

Our Second Birth - Ana

A couple months after Isaiah's first birthday, we were expecting again. We were so exited! At this time we were living with my parents. I was SO emotional during this pregnancy, a little scary at times actually. Yikes! My midwife just laughed at me. She said that it was so obvious that I was having a girl. My pregnancy with Ana was just very emotional! The day before her birth, my midwife noticed that my body looked so peaceful. I did feel really peaceful too. Later that night, I started getting real contractions. My sister in law came over to help with Isaiah, and my sister came too. When my contractions were getting on top of each other at about 11:00pm, they made the executive decision to call the midwife! She got there soon after that. I remember moaning softly through contractions, being so relaxed sitting in a yoga position, eating strawberries and yogurt when she came up the stairs. When the pool was ready, I got in. By then, my cousin was there too, and of course my mom was there! I asked my midwife if she needed to check me, and she said, I don't need to, but if you want me to, I can. I said I did, so she did. I said, "Well, what am I?" She said, "Sarah, you already know what you are. You tell me." I said, " I don't know, 8?" She said, "Yes! I told you you knew!" I asked her if she would tell me when I should push, and she said, "No. You will tell us when it's time for you to push!" I said, "Ok!" A short while after that, my body began to push. I asked Tammy (s-i-l) to wake Isaiah up (that's what he wanted). He got up out of bed, took off his pajamas, and diaper, and wanted to get in the pool. I asked my midwife if that was ok, and she said, "Sure!" So, Isaiah got in with us (Matt was in the pool). A couple minutes later, I felt Ana's head crowning. I kept my hand there, and told everyone when her head came out. Then, at 1:30am on Feb 26, 2006, that baby girl came right out into my hands!!! I caught her and brought her up. She looked so little! It was amazing and so precious! My Grandma and Dad came up to see her before the placenta was even born. Then, I started nursing her. Well, Isaiah came right over and I tandem nursed them right in the pool! The placenta was born, we got out, weighed her (7lbs 4oz), had our herb bath, and it was time for bed. That night she started crying in bed. I tried nursing her, and she wouldn't nurse. I got up, and took her to the other room, and she wouldn't nurse. I changed her diaper. Nothing would stop her crying and screaming! Then, I held her in front of me, and just listened to her. I agreed with her, responded to her, and do you know that little girl's cries softened into coos! She then nursed and went to sleep. She had a big day and needed to be heard! That was definitely the beginning of Ana Isabella Reeves!